snowbloom

He made his decision.
I'm easy to cast off.
All of those years of warm tender love.
Now I can be cut off.
My smile is brighter to hide.
My heartbeat is weak.
For how can someone make it through the day when they feel so lost.
So insignificant.
So alone.
It was so good to upset him.
Like cutting to know one's alive.
Hurting him to know he can feel.
But the reaction was not expected.
How can I ask him to be logical when our love never was.
How can I force him to understand.
That all I want to do.
Is be in his arms.
A lingering kiss.
A teary goodbye.
Cliches I hold so dear.
Tear a hole through my tunneled heart.
It's only a matter of time til there's nothing left.
To give.

Where do I begin. Well let's start with the positive.

I took ENGL 216 over winter break, which was much harder than I expected but I did well so I can't complain too much.

Currently I am taking

WS 104 Feminism and the Arts with Professor D'Alleva- she's really nice and I don't think the class is hard, it's just a waste of time.

PSYC 291 History and Systems of Psychology with Eric Lundquist- he's a nice guy but the class will be moderately hard.

PSYC 243 Personality Psychology with Mary Alice Mills-Baxter- I work under her as well, so the class is really interesting and she's sweet.

PSYC 297 Independent Study with Dr. Park- as always fun, and not too much work.

PSYC 297 Indendent Study with Dr. Fein Diagnosing Autism. basically just data entry but she's renowned in the feild so the opportunity is great.

And that's all folks.

Other than that I'm juggling Psychology Club, Psi Chi, Phi Sigma Pi, applying for study abroad in Australia and everything else. I found out Kara is my Big Brother (sounds weird, right) and I'm excited about that.

I'm on spring break right now working in my parents office sweeet. At least I'm getting homework/ organizing done.

Things I'm hoping for: doing really well this semester in my classes, getting into Study Abroad, becoming President of my pledge class PSP, signing up for Calc for May, making new friends.

Things I'm dreading: Interacting with my whore roommates, leaving Roshan when I go to Australia, the GRE's!

I think I'm doing a lot better than I was the last couple of entries and am eagerly anticipating a fairly good semester.

rosh430 (1:06:29 AM): i lvoe you

Auto response from SnowBloom16 (1:06:29 AM): Goodnight

rosh430 (1:06:31 AM): ul do fine tomoroe
rosh430 (1:06:32 AM): i knw it
rosh430 (1:32:12 AM): i thin i imed u boober but il ve you gooluck even though u dont need it ull do fine

Auto response from SnowBloom16 (1:32:12 AM): Goodnight

rosh430 (1:32:14 AM): ur smrat nigga
rosh430 (1:32:16 AM): i lovey ou

Lending List:
Orchid Thief, Trauma and Recovery, 1984, The Gift


Ex Libris, The Professor and the Madman, The Prince ooo what was that last one


making me nervous because all my fav books are gone. Serious anxiety. I'm such a loser. I hope they can enjoy them as much as I did. I think I read most of those two or three times. Each has so much sentimental meaning to me for one reason or another.


When telling a friend it was a childhood dream to see Mariah Carey:
i have a childhood dream of sticking my childhood in hers -if you know what i mean

So last weekend was nuts- Chris Botti!!!! The Newport Jazz Festival was woonderful. My aunt is officially in love and I'm in love with the calamari at Simpatico. We had good food, good music, and lots of drinks The yacht was beautiful. I hope I can go next year. :)

Instead of filing or organizing the office, I decided to just make this look pretty. So as of right n ow I'm doing really well. I took Ally out to dinner last night to The Melting Pot in Darien. The food was really good and we had a great time being classless. After that we went to Starucks and met up with Nick, Davey, and that other chick. Dave Banana was there of course. It was just a carefree night that ended under the stars with my failed attempts at finding a shooting star.
Tonight I'm going into the city to see Casual Fiasco with Banana. Update soon!

Shopping. Seriously, bored at work leads me to all kinds of websites for news, music, and well shopping. I haven't bought anything yet, but have made alot of interesting discoveries. More to come later... I guess I should do some filing.

So Thursday after much ado I went to see my boober in LI. We had an amazing day. We went to his house, Eisenhower park, IHOP, Dunkin Donuts then back to his house until about 1 in the morning. He was so sweet the entire time and it was a much needed getaway. I miss him so much all ready. It's so nice not fighting with him for once. What a foreign feeling.

Then Friday Jules and Danielle came over and we went on a failed party hunt all over the state- what a waste. Then, Joe came over for abit and we all passed out at like three in the morning. The next day we went to tag sales and bummed around Fairfield and New Haven. We bought so much for our apartment at IKEA and tried out Bangkok Gardens- not yummy. We got a lot accomplished to say the least I just wish the weather/food/parties were better. Hopefully next time it will be.

It hasn't been that long and it feels as if our trip to FL was years ago. Imagining the white beaches and the warm sea water just outside the door seems like an impossible fantasy. I miss the carefree relaxation, the gossiping about boys, and the excitement of shopping and nightlife in Las Olas and South Beach. Day dreaming of a lost paradise allows me to complete the daily tedious office tasks. My mind races through the designer stores, the delectable dinners, the sundresses. Julia and Rachel are closer friends than ever now, and I cannot wait until next year.
Favorite Store: LF, Mandalay Bay
Favorite Night: South Beach
Part of the trip that affected me in a positive way: The unfailing love of Dana and Hunter.

What a week last week. First my new car came in and is exquisite. It's a 2003 Lexus ES300 with marroon exterior and tan interior. Then in all my happiness and glory I answered the phone and my grandma told me my granfather was dying. So we all jumped in the car and went to her house, where the whole family was gathered. As we watched him struggle to breathe and as moans broke the awkward silence the family couldn't do anything but stare. At one point his pulse waned to a point where we couldn't feel it and we thought he died, but a few seconds later , as if surged with new life he took a deep breath. We all jumped and after that it seems as if his stroke ended. I wsih he could have died that night with all of his family around him, but I guess that'll be saved for another night. The love between my grandparents was truly inspiring, though. I hope to find that. A love to last a lifetime.

Well I'm at work and have decided I'm done. As a reminder, insurance is the most boring business in the world and I'm pretty sure I'm dumber from lack of mental stimulation. It is incredibly important to have if something happens, but it's all data processing and numbers. Anyone who knows me understands that I need people and this is so hard for me to get used to.
Alot has been going on recently. First I'm working all day everyday for my parents. As referred to above you an see it's incredible. I'm really overwhelmed with excitement, but I guess it could be worse. I have absolutely no stress about it, just incredible sleep deprivation. I'll talk to Roshan or whoever until late at night, then after only a couple of hours someone in my family will wake me up and wonder why I have bags under my eyes all day.

So good things. I have seen a bunch of friends I haven't seen in awhile and have been having a great time with them.

Roshan had surgery on his knee on Tuesday and is in alot of pain. I wish I could be there to help him, but it's impossible because his mom is home. We're on break right now and things are abit awkward, we still talk regularly though so that helps maintain our "relationship". Boys are killin me right now, but I'm definitely learning alot about myself and others in the process. Ambition and spontaneity can make anything wonderful and "amusing".

I went into the city on Tuesday night and hung out with Dave and Theresa. I missed the concert but had a great time at the bar and after. Dinner was wonderful at the Renaissance Hotel? overlooking Times Square. I hadn't seen Theresa in awhile and she seems to be doing well. Dave is a piece of work. His encouragement definitely made my night.
Also, the wise words of the Indian cab driver really gave me an emotional boost, but set me up for alot of hurt. Hopefully I can go into the city again really soon. :)
Also about NY I met a couple of real characters. First while waiting in Grand Central this nice man came up to me and talked to me for about a half hour about life, love, success, and basically all there is. He has lived in Europe and in the United States and was contemplating the meaning of life when my approachable smile encouraged him to tell me his life story. I didn't mind I love hearing people especially unexpected encounters. He was dressed in a business suit with crew cut light gray hair. He had piercing blue eyes and pink Irish skin. He was a universally handsome man and was very intelligent. He had a law degree and a MBA. he started his own company called Blackthorne Corp I think which supposedly aids in arbitration between big companies by presenting the important concepts of the interests in multimedia format. I thought that was different. His fundamental goal in the interaction was to have me understand that life should be appreciated and enjoyed. Too many rush through life and miss out on incredible opportunites. He definitely made me happy. The other guy was this 23 year old Mexican boy. He obviously was an illegal immigrant residing in Norwalk who loved music and life. He played the trumpet and guitar but came into the city to practice with his band who played all kinds of music. He was self taught and studying everything he could get his hands on. He had a sixteen-year-old sister and was an uncle to a two-year-old. His mother is a nanny to three children.

I love New York